if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
