how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
