so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
