I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
