i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
