I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
