Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
