i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
