I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
