she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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