I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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