White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
