kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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