it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
