I feel like I'm in dance class right now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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