dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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