So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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