I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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