How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
