it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
