just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
