i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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