if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
