I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
