K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
