Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize