i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
