im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
