I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
