I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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