the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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