and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
