lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
