we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
