God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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