I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
