my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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