Apparently you make a good broom.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
