Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
