Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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