He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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