My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are these your boobs on my camera?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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