I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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