i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
