I just saw a hot homeless man
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
