You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
