THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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