I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found the puke drawer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
