This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
