Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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