Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
