I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
