I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
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I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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