I hate all girls vehemently.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
