Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
