you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
