I'm going to jail i love you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left the knife in your bed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
