My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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