I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
