Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
