Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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