A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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