I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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