i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
