I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
