I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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