it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
