O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
