went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
