I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
