What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
