I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
