If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
