the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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