yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
