some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
